How We Came to the Path of Adoption

Warning! You should be sure you have time for this post...a little lengthy. So how did we come to the road of adoption? Well, it certainly wasn't our first choice, but it is what God has intended for us.

Let me first take you back to several years ago, about 4, 5, or 6. Before Casey and I were even married, I was sitting on my couch in my apartment working on my masters homework and watching TV. I think I might have been watching Oprah, but I honestly can't remember. Anyway, while I was sitting there, I had one of those "A-ha!" moments...one of those moments when I knew God was talking to me. There was a little voice that whispered to me, "You will adopt". It was an odd moment that kind of sent chills up and down my spine. I had never thought about adopting before, and yet here I was being told this. Oddly enough, I was ok with it, as long as I could have at least one biological child and the rest could be adopted.

So a few more years went by, and when Casey and I were a week away from getting married, I found out that I had Factor V and that it was going to be difficult for me to be able to have a baby. Factor V causes miscarriages, still births and some other complications. Having it and Factor V also increases a health risk for the mother. On the way home that night from the doctor, I called Casey and told him everything. I also finally told him that if he wanted out of the marriage, that I would understand. Yes, I literally gave him the chance to have an out (my mom was even chuckling at our conversation...she was driving), but I thank God that he chose to stay with me. He said that it will be ok and we'll make it through.

Fast forward to September 2010. Casey and I started to talk about starting a family, so we figured that it was time we go visit the high risk pregnancy doctor that we were referred to. We went one afternoon after school. Unfortunately, it wasn't on a Friday and oh, how I wish that it had been. We visited with the doctor, she asked a lot of questions about my health, about my family's health history, etc. She stopped for a moment and then told us A LOT of information about how things would happen, procedures, health risks, etc. about going through with a pregnancy and having my condition. There were two things that were said that made us both uncomfortable: 1) She looked Casey straight in the eye and told him that there have been times when she has had to come out of delivery and tell the husband, "Congratulations, you have a healthy baby, but I'm sorry, you have lost your wife", and 2) that if it was her sister, she would advise her not to go through with pregnancy. I held it together, but as soon as we got in the elevator, I just broke down crying. Being a woman who wants to have a child of her own, a biological child, this was not a response I had been planning on hearing. We thought about getting a second opinion, but after another visit with my hematologist, I knew it didn't matter - getting pregnant was not in my cards. We were told that we might be able to do surrogacy. We thought about it. One of my best friend's even offered to be a surrogate, but knowing that the amount of hormones that I would be having to take so that my eggs could be taken, would be higher than if I were actually pregnant...well, if I can't have my own, then we know the risks are even greater trying to give up my own eggs. We thought of every possible scenario, anything to try and have our own biological child, but it all came down to Casey saying that he would rather have me healthy and in his life with no baby, than to not have me at all and be raising a child on his own. At that point, we knew that adoption was our only way of starting a family.

From that point on, it was another several months of, well, I'll just go ahead and say it...hell. I became depressed. It kind of started affecting my work, personal life, etc. Only my closest friends knew what was going on and they were there for me, but there wasn't much they could do. I wanted to start the adoption process right away because I just didn't want to feel the pain. But I wasn't allowing myself to go through the steps of the grief process. I realized that I needed to, and so I finally allowed myself. We also needed to get certain things taken care of before we could even start. We needed to get our finances in order, so we started the Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. This process has been FABULOUS for us! We are getting closer to becoming debt free! I also needed to finally be ok with the whole idea of adoption. After all, I had just lost every biological child that I could possibly have. Although I have never actually carried a child, I'd like to think that I kind of know what it's like for a woman who just miscarried. The difference is that she can get pregnant again...me, I will never be able to have one. It's not fair, but it is the life God has chosen for me.

In April of 2011, a childhood friend passed away. I would just like to preface what I am about to say by saying that God works in mysterious ways. I went to his funeral, a funeral that fit him so well, and I could tell that he was helping to teach me a lesson (everyone said at the funeral that our friend was always helping to teach others a life lesson). A woman who was giving the eulogy said that we are all God's children. That we are here on earth for only a little while. That we are on loan from God to our parents. It was those words that helped me realize that it doesn't matter if the child we have is ours biologically or if we adopt - this child that we will raise is one of God's children and we are supposed to raise it for God - according to His plan. It was at that moment, that I became OK with the idea of adoption and have been gun-ho about it ever since. I hate that our friend is no longer here on earth with us, he is greatly missed, but I will ever be grateful to him for a life lesson that I will never forget; therefore, his memory will always live on!

So, when I start to feel down about not being able to have our own biological child, I will sometimes pull up the following video and watch it. It reminds me that Casey and I did chose the right direction to start our family.

The Women of Factor V Leiden



Yes, after watching, it is possible for some women to carry their baby to full term; however, you don't know their history. You don't know that it took many times of trying, that they lost several babies, that they have to give themselves shots on a daily basis, that even with all the precautions, they can still lose their baby and they can still lose their baby when they only have a few weeks left before actually delivering. I've done lots of research and have asked my doctors many questions. This was a decision that Casey and I did not make out of haste. We want a healthy baby and a healthy momma. We don't want to have to go through the loss of carrying a baby and then losing it, or me having any more serious medical issues - we've already been through enough. And remember, most of these women are heterozygous - not homozygous like me. Therefore, my risks are MUCH HIGHER than theirs.

There have been a few people who have said things that have been very hurtful to me. To those people, I'm glad that you have been able to successfully have your own child(ren). You don't know what it is like to live with this disorder, so don't think that you understand and then question that we can't have a child. What if there was nothing wrong with me and we still chose to adopt instead of trying to have our own? What would you say then? Instead, please be supportive of our decision.We have chosen, and God has led us to this decision, to adopt.

It's getting late and I think I have caught you up. However, I may still remember things from time to time that I will share. Thanks for reading and for supporting us!